I should start over… Hello dear, sweet, steadfast blog. Oh how I have neglected you these years. Let’s do a quick recap of my life the past couple years, shall we? Some life shit happened. Phew ok I feel better now.
Where was I? Oh right. Fuck. I have spent this summer training for my first ever half marathon which is now only 2 1/2 weeks away. Yikes! I was totally on track for this race up until about 2 weeks ago when my back started to spasm while I was out on a run. I’ve had back issues since I was a teenager and I’m no stranger to random back pains so naturally I cut the run short and figured I need to stretch and rest and tomorrow would be better. Well tomorrow wasn’t better and neither was the next day or the day after that. I went to my chiropractor who fixed me up but I still wasn’t feeling 100%. I went for a slow and painful run two days ago and I’ve been too scared to run again even though my back does feel mostly better now. So yeah, fuck.
It’s not even the $100 non-refundable entry fee that’s pissing me off. It’s the fact that I’ve been running all damn summer to prepare for this race. It’s the fact that I’ve been doing this thing completely on my own. I’m embarrassed to admit that this is honestly the first thing I’ve gone for that I’ve followed through on, on my own. I’ve done stuff like this with a friend or on a team. But this was different. I got myself up at 5:30 am to run before work. I’ve improved my diet. I’ve lost 25 pounds. I did all this without a motivational partner, without a coach, without outside encouragement (I mean of course my boyfriend and sisters and friends have encouraged me but really only when the subject comes up). I’ve been so proud of myself this summer but now I feel like it’s slipping away. I’m still going to try but frankly, I may have to drop down to the 10k race option instead. I am just not confident that I’ll be ready to run a 13.2 mile race in a little over 2 weeks. I am so fucking discouraged and disappointed. I’m really just feeling sorry for myself. This isn’t the end of the world and there will be other races. I know this. But man, life sure is a fickle lover, isn’t it?